I am a 20 year old college student who comes from a dysfunctional family. My mother and father are foster/adoptive parents. In all, I have ten siblings. My mom is also the family tyrant, imposing strict curfews when I am home, demanding that I do not keep in contact with any guys, and constantly calling me stupid (mind you, I have a 3.7 GPA). My family also refuses to help out financially, so I pay my own tuition. Until I went to school, it was my job to take care of my younger siblings after school because my mom and dad always had to run "errands". My father is also a minister, but takes part in the emotional and physical abuse. Recently, I came home for a week and the realized exactly why I went to school 8 hours away. I do not want to come home for Christmas break, but I do not have other family who would lend support...any advice?BTW, I talked to a counselor about this situation, but he has not offered any valid suggestions...

your freaking 20 arnt you?why do you need to leech of the freaks anyway?if life is crappy there dont go there.if you need there $$$ then deal with son!!!need a tissue?10points?

Nik,I too came from a similar situation. It gets to the point where you have to find good friends, which after will invite you to their home. However, you may want to think of doing volunteer work where you are and tell your parents that you are spending the day serving the poor, and that you are not going to come home because you have chosen to do that on Holidays. You are an adult and need to remain healthy, so that you can grow in love and grace. I don' t know if there is a young adult group close where you are that you could join. Check it out. I hope this helps and my heart goes out to you.

Wow, sounds like your mom is trying to control you, but you're twenty now and she cannot tell you what to do. My advice? destroy all connection with them. Never talk to them, never return home and live as far away as humanly possible. That's what I did, and it has worked out wonderfully. When I graduated high school, I moved away and haven't spoken to them or seen them in years. i started a new life and I love it.

That is a dysfunctional family alright, having a minister for a husband who handles abusive cases and being a verbal abuser herself calling you stupid is something I have never heard of.My only advise is to leave and be on your own. Pursue your dreams and work hard. Keep your faith in God who will always guide you and protect you. Depend only on God, let go and let God do His will in your life. You are already 20 years old and you do not have to put up with that kind of life. Stand up for yourself and move on. Good luck

First thing, physical abuse and mental abuse is not acceptable in society so you should turn your family over to the authorities, social services should be notified and your mom and dad need to be locked up and the kids put in new foster homes.Although misdirected your Mom's ideas of caring for a dozen kids was a valiant one but the fact is both her and your dad were seriously underdeveloped as caring humans. This the abuse, verbal, mental, and physical.Report them, take your real siblings if possible and move far away. Never look back only forward.

Sometimes people feel like they have to stick with family just because they are family, my advice would be to surround yourself with positive people that will enhance your life you do not deserve to have negative people in your life for support get good friends to talk to, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders good luck for your future.

Well we ALL come from dysfunctional families! You sound like a bright, intelligent person who knows abuse when they see it. Being called stupid is not right!You have a right to not put yourself in their presence and live your own life. You have the right to say "NO, I wont tolerate you talking down to me etc"... If you have somewhere else to stay at Christmas, then do so but know that there are consequences that come with it.I was in the same situation with my family and I broke free, stood up for myself and years later they know better than to verbally abuse me...but its not an easy road.So you are not angry, one day just accept they did the best they could with the abilities they have and that's it. Don't rationalize their actions and words, don't expect them to change, don't enable the behaviour....expect nothing from them and live your own life. Sounds like you are doing well...in College and doing good. Keep that up as it will help you in the long run.Bottom line....you can tell them how you feel, which you should, and if you don't want to go home for holidays, then don't. If you have no where else to go, then you have to make arrangements to stay some place.Abuse is not right....mental, physical or emotional.....and having just been through some myself recently, I wouldn't bother with people like that. We cant pick our families but we can certainly make choices of what we want to accept.........Good Luck.

Lucky you were able to get primary education and go to college but there are so many kids out there in foster homes who doesn't even get an education! and if you want to talk about mean foster parents you have no idea how many kids get beaten to death each year by adoptive parents...your parents might not be the sweetest, some times parents say things to us that they don't mean or at times they say things they think will motivate us to be better even if they use harsh words. I'm sure if they wouldn't have cared for you they would have never fostered you! You are an adult now try to speak to them, let them know how you feel and how important their support and understanding is for you as it helps your development into an adult with good values and moral.

I ran away from home when I was 13 because of a similar situation, and I now know that my biggest mistake was ever going back.Sooner or later, you will need to completely cut off these people. It should be easier because they aren't even blood relatives, but you won't begin to enjoy your own life until you do...It took me years, but now I am FREE